What Will Others Think Of Me?

 

Trev shared a post on performance mentality a little bit ago and I could relate so well. I am recently married and for the first month of marriage after the honeymoon I was not working which was great! I work remotely on projects as they come but after that first month of marriage, I was uncertain there would be project work for me.

That first month was rough. I would email my boss but not hear things back. I was so worried and discouraged. I started looking for other jobs and it was a slow and challenging process. I often questioned my worth as a man and a husband-provider when I allowed myself to think that God would not come through and provide for us.

After this difficult month with financial stress in our brand-new marriage, the relief came and many prayers were answered. I was able to resume project work with the same company and our financial fears were relieved. I started work on a Thursday. That same week my wife had been sick with a cold. The next day, things got worse and she really wasn’t feeling well. I realized I needed to call the doctor, get her the care she needed, and make sure she would get better. However, there was a problem.

I had just started work the day before, and I needed to stop to care of my wife. I felt so conflicted. I had some sick time that I could use but I was so concerned with what people at the company would think of me. ‘Really, is this guy just faking being sick to use his sick time now that he just started back?’ ‘Wow, we can’t count on him to be a hard worker for us…’ These and others were thoughts with which I struggled. It made it really difficult to make the choice to take the afternoon off.

I did end up taking the afternoon off. However, I still felt like I had to 'earn’ using the sick time to care for my beloved. I went about cleaning and doing chores around the house, which was helpful for sure, but with the primary thought in my mind being, 'I can’t waste time, I need to make this time count since I took time off of work.’

I am grateful that Jesus’ salvation is by grace only. Often, in the everyday moments of life it is difficult for me to remember that I could never earn His grace even if I spent my entire life trying.  I allowed what other people might think of me to have the biggest influence on my mind instead of feeling peace and gratitude for having a job with sick time to care of my wife. It makes me wonder how often I miss out on the gifts of grace God has given by trying to ‘earn’ them instead of just pausing to give the giver thanks.

Next time I see this thought pattern going on in my mind I want to stop and thank God instead, acknowledging that I as his child I could never 'earn’ the things He is giving me.

How can you relate to trying to earn gifts of God's grace in your own life?

-Matthew-

 
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What Will Others Think Of Me?