The Path of Freedom (part 6)
As the weeks passed, our experience was like a roller-coaster. Some days were good and others were horrible. There were moments when I was certain we’d make it and others when I thought she’d leave me. But one thing that did not waiver was my determination to fight for our marriage. I didn’t know the outcome. There were no guarantees. Sure, we’d experienced some hopeful moments (like when we chose our son’s name), but most of the other time it was just survival.
If you’ve ever watched the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, you may remember when the Rangers were pinned down on the beach right below a German bunker. They were able to get off their landing crafts and work their way onto the beach, but they were still under heavy fire from German machine guns and not able to move. It was chaos and they needed to advance forward to their objective. Looking at all the options (which were few), Captain Miller directs the squad to lay down suppressive fire in order to get their sniper in a better position. The Rangers could have been killed in the process, but they trusted their training and strategy and took the risk anyway. It paid off. The sniper got into position, said a prayer, and killed one of the German gunners. Like dominos, the others fell too. Break-through achieved! The squad leader then announces, “We’re in business” and the unit advances and eventually takes out the enemy and acquires the position.
And that’s how I felt. I needed a break-through, but there were days when I was pinned down and was tempted to fall back to a “safer” position. My past kept shooting at me: you’ll never make it, you’re going to fall again, you’re a fake, there’s no way Maty will forgive you, your life is over, etc…but I kept shooting back with God’s word: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13); He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak (Isaiah 40:29); be strong in the Lord and His mighty power (Eph 6:10); God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1); The Sovereign Lord is my strength, He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to tread on the heights (Habakkuk 3:19).
Pinned down, yes, but when I started to fire back with God’s word, I was able to get a “sniper” into position and have a chance at advancing. I told Maty what I was doing. I explained that I was fighting for our marriage just like the Rangers were fighting on the beaches of Normandy. I also told her that at some point, she would hear me shout out, “we’re in business” and then I would scale the cliff and take the territory from the enemy.
I’m not sure how she processed this illustration or if it made any sense to her, but it was exactly the mindset I needed to keep fighting and believe that at some point, I would start taking territory back...at some point, she would forgive me.